Author: Deborah Farmer Kris

As parents, we want our kids to feel self-confident and believe in themselves. At the same time, all parents worry — about skills they’re still learning, milestones they haven’t reached, or the social or emotional challenges they’re facing.

When my worries creep in, I take a breath and focus on my kids’ strengths. This helps me build up their confidence. I’ve learned something important over the years: When I focus on my weaknesses, I feel insecure. But when I lean into my strengths, I feel more confident — and that gives me the energy to keep going. The same is true for our children.

As an advocate for strength-based parenting, I am so grateful to be an advisor for the new PBS KIDS show “Carl the Collector.” This is the first PBS show to feature autistic lead characters. As Carl and his friends learn about themselves and each other, they build self-confidence by naming their strengths, recognizing the areas they’re still growing, and keep trying — with the support of their family and friends.

So how can we help our kids focus on their strengths and build that same sense of self-confidence? Here are four ideas to get you started.

Kids thrive when they feel seen. When we notice and name their strengths, we can help them build the confidence they need to tackle challenges. Grab a jar or notebook and fill it with qualities you admire about your child — and let them add what they like about themselves. On tough days, pull it out and read these notes together. You can even turn this strength-naming into a daily ritual: At night or over breakfast, name “one good thing” that you noticed. These can be simple, like how they put their shoes on by themselves or how gently they played with their sibling.

When my kids were little, I’d often say, “You are kind and brave.” This mantra reminded me to look for moments when they treated others with compassion or faced their fears. Then, I’d point out those moments by saying something like,“I saw you check on your friend when they fell at the park today. That was so kind” or “You tried again after falling off the monkey bars. That was brave.”

When kids face something new or challenging, they often focus on what they can’t do. For example, a child nervous about their first basketball practice might feel overwhelmed by the whole scene — the hoop, the fast movement of other kids, the size of the court — and think, “I can’t do this.”

That’s when we can step in and help them zoom in on what they can do. This can boost their confidence enough to take the first step. For instance: “I don’t know how to shoot a layup yet, but I do know how to dribble, so I can start with that.”

You can’t learn a new skill without making mistakes! As Carl’s pal Nico learns, no one learns to ride a bike without taking a few falls. When Nico feels discouraged, her sister reminds her that learning is a step-by-step process. Show your child that you can celebrate each step along the way. This might sound like:

• “Tying your shoes is tricky! But you’ve already learned the first two steps, so now we just need to practice the last one.’

• “Look at you making your own sandwich and pouring your own milk! That spill is no big deal.”

• “I saw how frustrated you were when your structure fell. I also noticed how you walked away to cool down instead of yelling or throwing. Nice job.”

Children are constantly building a story about themselves: who they are, what they like, and what they can do. They also love to hear stories about themselves. Reminisce about when they were little (even if they are still young!)and share memories that highlight their growth. What are things they can do now that they couldn’t do a few months ago? Can they dribble a soccer ball? Reach the top shelf? Walk the dog? Express how they’re feeling?

When we celebrate the small ways our kids are growing, we help nurture their confidence and remind them that they’re becoming stronger and more capable every day!

Source: PBSKids